Women in Transition

TRANSFORM STRESS INTO STRENGTH -- A new book by Susanne Sweeny

    The new book, TRANSFORM STRESS INTO STRENGTH: Getting Control of your Life, your Mind, and your Time  by Susanne Sweeny, is based on the premise:

 

"To permanently reduce stress and increase your personal power, you have to: 1.  Deeply examine your life to pinpoint the personal causes of your stress. 2.  Determine the values-based purpose of your life, 3 Overcome the mental roadblocks to progress, and 4. Reallocate your time from the urgent to the important.  The result:  a life of personal fulfillment, contentment and inner joy."  

Susanne wrote the following article to share with our blog readers:             

      

 

 THE WORRY TRAP

 

by Susanne Sweeny, October 2008 

 “Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of it’s sorrow,

it empties today of it’s strength, it saps today of it’s joy”

                                  Anonymous   

Many people think worry is just a normal human activity, after all, everyone worries, don’t they? But worry is really a worthless mental habit which is destructive and always counterproductive. In fact, worry may shorten one’s life, but not as quickly as it once did. In Old English, the root of the word “worry” was “wyrgan”, which meant “to strangle”. Its Middle English descendant, “worien”, kept that same sense and developed it even further meaning “to grasp by the throat with the teeth and lacerate”.  Not a very pleasant picture, is it? Today the dictionary still lists those two definitions, but the first is now “to feel anxious, distressed or troubled”. Many people use concern and worry interchangeably because they’re such similar mental activities; both take a lot of energy and both tend to focus on an important issue. But behaviorists see a distinct difference between concern and worry. Naturally we should be concerned about some issues or events. Concern is a purposeful thought pattern that promotes constructive and healthy behavior. If we’re concerned, we assess the problem and go to work on fixing it. It’s characterized by forward movement, a productive way to channel our energies.  By contrast, worrying is an obsessive and destructive habit, characterized by repeatedly running in circles without forward progress.  It’s a form of negative self-talk, replaying the same negative story line, sometimes extending it to further negative consequences way into the future, and worry often focuses on those things in life that we have no control over. It’s inherently fruitless. By contrast, concern expends its energy on dealing with those issues which are within our control.     

Worry saps our energy, de-motivates us and affects our health.” According to doctors, worry affects circulation and the nervous system, especially over long periods of time.

And mathematically speaking, it really doesn’t make sense to worry. Psychologists tell us that 40 percent of what we worry about will never happen, 30 percent has already happened, 12 percent of our worries are over unfounded health concerns and 10 percent of our worries involve daily fretting over minor things.  What’s left? Only 8 percent! It appears that we’re worrying 92 percent of the time for no good reason and making ourselves sick doing so.

How  to reduce worrying or replace worry with concern

So worrying is just a bad habit, and so deeply ingrained, we’re not even aware of it or how to stop it. Here are some techniques that I think are worth trying.

Observe your worrying.  Catch your worrying early on because the longer an episode lasts the more the habit is strengthened. The more conscious you are of the habit of worrying, the greater the chance to switch it off before it becomes an obsession. Refuse to give it any power.

Track the outcome of your worries. Write down every event you worry about and list the possible outcomes that might happen, both good and bad.  Keep the list and after the event actually happens, see which outcome actually occurred. Over time, you will be able to collect your own evidence about your worries, their validity and your ability to cope. You will find that few things turn out as bad as you thought they would and that if they do, you probably are capable of handling them.

Reframe circumstances as being “Inconvenient”.  A huge percentage of the stress, anxiety and worry producing events that happen in life are not really life-threatening or life-altering. They’re merely inconvenient. And I believe if you put that “mantra” close at hand, the next time you miss a flight, get caught in traffic, or suffer investment losses,  then just reframe the issue into a context of its merely “inconvenient”.   

Use cognitive restructuring.   Dispute the irrational beliefs you have. Identify the specific thoughts you worry about. Then, take each thought and logically analyze it. What is the evidence and what is the probability of it happening? Is it reasonable and logical to predict that will happen? What evidence do you have? If the event happens, will you be able to handle it? Have you had situations in the past like this without terrible consequences? A year after the event what difference did it make in your life?

Use Faith and Prayer  

In my studies on worry, I found hundreds of references in Scripture where we are told not to worry.  I thought I couldn’t help worrying, especially about my children. But Scripture says I can.  It has nothing to do with my feelings. It is a choice to believe and trust in God, to believe His presence is with me and in His presence my fear and worry is swallowed up.  A person who constantly worries, is incapable of creative, energetic living, choking off the Spirit within which is love, joy and peace. You can present your worries to God and he will give you the peace that passes all understanding.  

  Susanne Sweeny, www.TransformSressIntoStrength.com

Author TRANSFORM STRESS INTO STRENGTH

    

BEWARE: THE IMPOSTER PHENOMENON IS BACK

 By Lucille Maddalena, Ed.D.

           

            It’s back.  The Imposter Phenomenon has proven it never left us and is still slithering in the background in spite of the tremendous strides forward women have made in business. 

            What is the Imposter Phenomenon?  One very successful female corporate executive recently described an hidden  barrier to her own success:

            The main barrier I had to face before successfully achieving the position I am in today has been my personal inner voice that kept warning me I would soon “be found out”, that I was “playing” professional and that the someone would soon call my bluff. The barrier has definitely been more emotional than factual, inside my head.”

            Too often professional women become isolated, unable to move past their own inner doubts. 

            This false sense of inferiority was first described as the “Imposter Phenomenon” in 1978 by Pauline Rose Clance & Suzanne Imes.  Thirty years have past.  What causes women in 2008 America to exhibit the same false sense of inadequacy that plagued women in an era when Goldy Hawn was painted with graffiti dancing to disco on the TV show , “Laugh-in”?     We are incredibly fortunate compared to our counterparts in other countries; we still have a long way to go. And much of what is holding us back continues to be our own self-perception.  Maybe we are our own worse enemy. 

             A few months ago  I conducted an experiential workshop for professionals in the Human Resources field titled “Seeking Euphasia”.  Euphasia is the island famed theorist Abraham Maslow imagined to be inhabited by 1,000 ‘self-actualized’ people.  As we went through the steps to reveal our personal self-concepts, even this group of highly trained professionals with a deep understanding human nature and personal growth, found themselves struggling with the concepts.  The gentle probing and open discussion explored sensitive confidences calling up emotional responses. The ensuing sharing formed a unique bond among those in attendance:  I continue to receive comments on progress initiated as an outcome of this group experience.

            We’re not all Human Resource professionals, so what resources are available to you to avoid this barrier to personal success? The first step is introspection.  Challenge yourself and seek to recognize if you hold any secret misperceptions of your value and standing. Take a few minutes to answer these questions to get a quick read of your self-concept:

(1)  Do you find that you are not experiencing an internal sense of success --despite earned degrees, scholastic honors, high achievement on standardized tests, praise and professional recognition from colleagues and respected authorities?

(2) Do you secretly feel you are not intelligent and believe that you are fooling others?

(3) Do you feel others may have over-evaluated your abilities, skill and talent?

(4)  Do you find yourself acting anxious, lacking self-confidence, or have feelings of depression and frustration over a perceived inability to meet self-imposed standards of performance?

(5) Do you often attribute an unexpected performance outcome to a temporary cause or an expected performance outcome to a stable cause?

 

            If you answered ‘yes’ to all or a majority of these questions, you may have uncovered the “Imposter Phenomenon” in yourself.   You are not alone.

 

            In their studies,  Clance and Imes, stated that success for women in business was simply not expected and that lack of expectations was internalized by women; as result they felt they were “fooling other people”:
            “Thus, unlike men, who tend to own success as attributable to a quality inherent in themselves, women are more likely either to project the cause of success outward to an external cause (luck) or to a temporary internal quality (effort) that they do not equate with inherent ability.”

 

            Today, women are in positions of power at small businesses and global corporations.  We maintain political offices of importance and influence the development of our society.  This is evidence that norms are changing, but not fast enough for us all. If you find yourself still under the influence of this misperception, now is the time to take action.

            The lady who recognized her personal barrier to success was fortunate to find a woman within her company able to serve as mentor and coach:

            “ A female mentor, reporting to several skilled female managers and reading about female leadership has helped me understand the underlying reason or this reluctance to accept my own skills, allowing me to succeed in my profession.”

 

            The best thing you can do for yourself is to develop your own support network.  The process of having others to talk to and work through difficult issues is truly part of our feminine heritage.  Find the women you trust and allow yourself to expose any concerns. Seek out women who have achieved their goals, who have a broader view of the world and who have experiences you need to share.  Once an issue becomes public, it loses its power. 

           

            Many businesses today are offering in-house mentoring programs. Investigate the management development programs offered by your firm and make every effort to participate in an apprentice or development program.  Working with an internal coach or mentor at your company does have its limitations: you must be very cautious about confidential issues and image. 

 

            The most successful business leaders today obtained their own coach Executive Coach or are fortunate to work in an organization where Executive Coaches are provided  through their employers.  Firms that are on the cutting-edge of talent management are rewarding success by providing Executive Coaches to employees showing potential leadership abilities.  If your company has a program to connect you with an Executive Coach, be certain to apply for the opportunity. 

            Now is the time to take action that will help you achieve your dreams.

                Your experience and comments on the "Imposter Phenomenon" are welcome. 

Please click "comments" below to post your thoughs and insights to share with other women.